I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
