trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
