i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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