Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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