You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
