If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
