Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
