If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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