the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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