whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ttyl tear gas
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You were trust falling into bushes
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
