I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
