peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
