the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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