Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize