I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
