you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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