yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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