We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
