we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
