I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize