Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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