I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
