I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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