dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
