I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
