i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
