i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
