8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
