One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we should paint friendship bongs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
