He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
