Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
