I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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