Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Vodka?
Forever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
