Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
