I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
