fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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