i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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