Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
