come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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