So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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