Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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