got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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