My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
