Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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