is your mom at the bar?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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