dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
