batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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