Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
