she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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