So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
