she was so not down for the gang bang
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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