A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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