I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
