Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
