So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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