We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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