dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
