He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
