): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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