ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize