The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
