so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
