med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
40s are totally the cure
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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