Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
