That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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