He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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