She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
