He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
